Wife: Don't you think a little common sense can prevent divorces?

Husband: I am sure it can keep people from getting married in the first place!

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Question: How do you keep your husband from reading your mails?

Answer: Rename the mail folder "Instructions manual".

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Boy to Nurse: You have stolen my heart.

Nurse: No, we stole your kidney.

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Conditional love says: I love you, because I need you!

Unconditional love says: I need you, because I love you!

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Question: How does a frog feel when he has a broken leg?

Answer: Unhoppy!

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Question: Why did the scientist disconnect his doorbell?

Answer: He wanted to win the No-Bell prize!

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Wife (going to the UK): Do you want anything from UK?

Husband: Yes, an English girl.

Wife: Just wait for nine months!

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Wife: "Why do you go to the balcony when I sing? Don't you like to hear my singing?"

Husband: "It is not that. I want the neighbours to know that I am not beating my wife".

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Artist: I would like to donate my last picture to a charitable trust.

Critic: Why not give it to an institution for the blind.

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Young wife: It is too bad darling, you bring me to a cafe. Now you read the newspaper.

Husband: Pardon me, dear! "Waiter, another newspaper".

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Daughter: I can't marry him, mother. He doesn't believe that there is hell.

Mother: Marry him, my dear and we will show him that he is wrong.

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Thief with knife: Give me your money.

Man: Do you know who I am? I am a politician.

Thief: OK. So, give me my money.

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Boy: I'm not rich like Tony and I don't have a big car or palace like Tony. But, I really love you.

Girl: I love you too, but tell me more about Tony.

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Why is the book "Women who love too much", a disappointment for men? No phone numbers.

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Car sickness is the feeling you get when monthly payment is due

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If you can't beat your computer at Chess, try kick boxing

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We'll never run out of maths teachers because they always multiply

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Man: I want to find out if I have grounds for divorce.

Lawyer: Are you married?

Man: Yes, of course.

Lawyer: Then you have grounds.

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 "Young man, do you think you can handle a variety of work?" "I ought to be able to. I've had 12 different jobs in four months."